Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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