She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
