Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
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This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
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Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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