i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
