More tranny stories later!
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
