I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
