that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
