So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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