so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Enjoy the penises
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
