she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
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Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
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When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i need some magic done to my vagina
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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