hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
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if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
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You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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