I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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