How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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