i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
