yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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