Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I want her autograph on my taint
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
