Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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