Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
