well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
