You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
