did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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