Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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