So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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