your thong is hanging out like whoa
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
