Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
