Redeem this text for a blowjob
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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