Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
