So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
