meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
pray to the hookup gods
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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