That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
