I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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