I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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