some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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