I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
