who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She's the barista slut.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
