I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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