How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
