We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
