He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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