If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
