five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
if only i could text you this smell
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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