After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
