Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
