is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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