i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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