Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
