She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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