your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
