How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
