Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
