I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I party with great urgency now.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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