got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Is Oprah even human
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
