Where is the hickey?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
