I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
