i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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