plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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