Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
