I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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