i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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