cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
