Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
