K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
