can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
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All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
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You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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