My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
