I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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