we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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