More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
