The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
